We have all heard our peers or other family member’s perspective on what it might be like when the kids leave. On one end we have dread and fear, what are we going to do? How are we going to connect or who will we be without the kids around? On the other end its ‘Party!! Let the kids go, if they need us they will let us know…we’ll have more time to ourselves, the house won’t be as messy, it’s about time!

The Reality of Our Empty Nest

We landed in the middle. And the truth is, the nest just gets better, it’s not really empty after all. A strong bond with our kids with independence, trust, patience and respect allowed us to all grow together as a family. When the time came for our first child to go to college, yes, there were tears and a sense of loss, but also such pride in the human and young woman she had become. We still had our younger one with us for a few more years so after all, the nest wasn’t empty, yet. When our second child left for school, that felt much more difficult, and that is the truth. It finally dawned on us that yes, we had a great nest but instead of 4 there were 2. Sounds silly, it’s simple math. But we just weren’t ready. Or so we thought. We flipped the framework, rewrote the script, reminded ourselves of how proud we were (are) of our kids, how amazing it is to see them in the world, still needing us but for different and more adult things. Watching from afar how they problem solve, and build their own friend communities and support structures, how they find love and how they give to their friends and be good humans.

Maybe Our Nest Isn’t So Empty After All

The truth is that the nest is not really empty, rather it just split into 3 nests. We still have the HQ nest, where they and their friends and someday their families can come home to, but they have their own nests now too. They have borrowed from our nest to build their own, metaphorically speaking. It’s like an Aspen Tree, the root system is so big and interconnected underground (or maybe in our hearts) and the trees and effects of that system sprout up everywhere, over time and into infinity. It’s our family tree with all sorts of nests with their own stories, it’s an age old experience, and we are happy and thrilled to be a part of it.